Who was the woman who helped us?
We continue to tell the same story as we always have since they were 2 years old. We add more to the discussion as their curiosity increases and they start to ask more questions. Such as our daughter. It seems that she's the one to ask the questions on this topic more so than our boys. But believe me, the boys are listening!
"Momma, who was the woman who helped us?" She was a thoughtful and kind person who wanted to help us so that we could have a family with children, and have you in our lives.
"What part of herself did she give you?" She gave us a teeny tiny, yet very significant part of herself. A part so small that you have to use a microscope to see it. A part of herself that's smaller than a grain of sand. A part that's even smaller than a freckle on your skin.
Other Examples to offer:
"Some mommies don't have enough egg cells to make a baby and they need another woman to help by giving some of her egg cells."
"Daddies sperm cells weren't strong enough to match with mommy's eggs, so we had to go to the doctors office to get some sperm from a man who agreed to help by giving some of his."
"Sometimes, daddy's don't have enough sperm cells and mommies don't have enough egg cells and they need help from another man and another woman to have a baby. These people who help are called "donors".
Children are very literal in their thoughts in these early years. We keep the answers simple, concise, honest, and truthful.
What are some of the first questions your children have asked? How did you reply?
Anonymous says...
This comment was sent from a parent that wishes to remain anonymous:
My husband & I are very private people. We have 4yr.old g/b twins that were conceived via donor sperm after learning of our dual infertility. We are ready to start the conversation (age appropriate) with our children, probably with the help of your book. Thank you!
Here’s where our problem is…..we don’t want EVERYONE to know. Family-most already know. About 5 very close friends know. But, that’s it! How do we start to open up w/out becoming the whispers of the nosey neighbors & soccer moms in the school?!?!
Can you give us any guidance or suggest a good message board of sorts to get other thoughts?
Dear Anonymous,
Thank you for your comment and question. You are not alone. You have asked a very good, and very often asked question. These are the questions and issues all parents with donor conceived children must come to terms with. Congratulate yourself for your willingness to get to the heart of the matter. We’ve answered this in a recent post here:http://howwebecameafamily.com/privacy-vs-secrecy/ We hope it helps!
On August 18, 2014